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Blank Phoenix
17 August 2008 @ 04:54 am
It's bad enough that I have to wait until I'm completely and utterly exhausted to even bother trying to sleep.. but only getting an hour's worth of sleep and waking up near screaming?

C'mon now... that's just not cool.

So I'm getting all kinds of weird vibes right now. I don't know why... or maybe I just don't want to think about it. Something is coming, I can feel it. The dreams, the voices, it's all bad. I'd like to hope that it's nothing to do with Arthur (or that... um... kid), but there's always that fear buried deep inside me. Maybe it's a family member? I wish I knew.

If only I could hold onto my dreams for more than a fleeting moment, I might be able to make some sense of them. I'm getting really irritated by the urge to scream when I wake up (cold sweats suck, as well).

I remember small bits and pieces... the blood on my hands... the bodies... and I keep asking myself if I was the one that did it. Without remembering the rest of the dreams, I can't answer my own question...
Blank Phoenix
11 August 2008 @ 10:08 pm
Emotastic bullshit. That's all it has been for the last month.

That ends. Now.

I'm done dealing with the drama, I'm done dealing with the theatrics.

Thought it was a good idea to try to emotional scar my future husband, the man I love more than anything in the multiverse? Not very smart. I will defend him, without question or thought. I will fight for him, without remorse or worry.

Don't piss me off; it's just not a good idea.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

On another note, apartment hunting is such fun */sarcasm*... I don't really want to stay in the Worcester area, but that's what we need to do for his work and school. I can live anywhere, as long as I'm with him.

We're still not sure when we'll get married... the only thing really holding us back is that he needs to ask my father for my hand (My father would appreciate that... I was engaged once before without his permission, and he wasn't too happy about it).

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

And damn it all to hell and back, Kane needs to open that damn burlap sack and reveal the contents... I swear, it's his mask, I fucking swear it is. (Okay, that's all I have for WWE rants right now...)

- - -

Edit: Okay, the damn bag has finally been opened... wtf is up with Kane carrying around Rey Mysterio's old mask? I was really hoping it was Kane's old mask... I miss the old Kane.
Blank Phoenix
16 March 2007 @ 04:30 am
I am Blank Phoenix. Blank is beautiful!

I have been a member on LifeJournal for many, many years. I have had the names Lorikan, Hidden_Enigma, PhoenixRenegade, XandrenaPhoenix, and TwilightAurora. I unfortunately deleted Lorikan a while back, for reasons I still haven't figured out. My other journals are still in existance so I can go back and read my older entries. One day I'll archive everything.

I have made many attempts to find old friends as well as make new friends on LifeJournal. I have been a member of multiple communities, taken part in user pic creation and contests, written fanfiction, and tried my best to keep in touch with people.

I recently decided I needed a private journal, a way to get in touch with myself without worrying about other people reading my entries. I might share this journal with others one day, but I doubt it. For now, I will take myself off the radar for a while.

I decided on the name Blank_Phoenix for a few reasons. One, blank is beautiful. Remember that (... for those of you that are clueless, watch Max Headroom). Two, it pretty much describes how I feel these days.

There's been a lot of things in my life that have contributed to who I am today. To put it all in a short timeline, I came to America when I was a chyld, my parents divorced and remarried early in my life, I ran away at the age of 16, spent many years homeless on the streets of many states, relocated to Massachusetts in 2000, back to California in 2004, and back to Massachusetts in 2005. My stepfather is an alcoholic, and my mother is a workaholic. My father is a genius, and my stepmother is dedicated. My brother is spoiled. But I love him.

That about sums it all up. In time, I will write entries about events in my past, as well as current events. I write when I feel like it. I rant, rave, complain, bitch, create, wonder, remember, contemplate, and theorize.

But you get to see none of that. Why? Because this is a Private Journal. This is the only entry you will probably ever see.

1. Goth Dave (for making death threats when I refused to financially support his drug habit)
2. XiM (for being a back-stabber and a free-loader, and for turning Dave into a drug dealer)
3. Laurie (for being a dead-beat mother and abandoning her daughter so she could sleep on the streets with her ex-lover that she claimed had physically and emotionally abused her)
4. Kellie (I have my reasons...)